i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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