1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
