I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
