I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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