your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The power of my boobs compel you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
