wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
