How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm always down for nudity.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
