are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
