Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
