You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize