Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
