youre lurking in front of me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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