Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
two words...techno handjob
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
