"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
