I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
