the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
