3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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