That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
