You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drunk is not a location!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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