if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
