you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hippo gnu deer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
