Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
