as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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