this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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