so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize