You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
