i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
