maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
