Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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