I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
