Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
