I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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