and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
