just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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