Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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