I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
whose parrot is this?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
