Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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