Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
