I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
