so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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