hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
