There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
