just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
