you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
