Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Plan B is the new Plan A
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
