i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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