My first STD was from a foam party
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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