I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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