We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
