I think im going to throw up on grandma
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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