i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i've created a new STD.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
