Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
