I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
