Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize