dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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