i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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