i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
