so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
