Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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