I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
