I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize