Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
