Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
