Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
