I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize