I'm eating all of the evidence.
false alarm. still invincible.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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