I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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