you didnt know i had herpes?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
