My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
