my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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