I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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